What's more, he was concerned that, since I'm the judge, I may have a difficult time with inherent biases. I validated his concern and assured him that I would be as prudent, fair and decisive as possible; that I would not allow myself to consider my own strengths while only highlighting Brian's weaknesses during deliberation. Further, I told him that both Brian and I were good sports and that we enjoy friendly competition. This seemed to appease him and he gave me his blessing to proceed.
Now, let's meet the nominees. First up, me.I nominated myself for "The Most Awesome Parent" award for several reasons. I am smart, hilarious, talented and, most of all, self-deprecating. I have tremendous patience when it comes to fussy, demanding, high-needs babies named Jacob and because I have the ability to take a mirror that hasn't been cleaned in years and make it's dirt look like falling snow.
Next up, Brian.
Brian was nominated because he can read,
he sports hip sunglasses,
his uncanny ability to look cool sitting on a motorcycle,
he can steer a boat while wearing hip sunglasses,
because he is so photogenic,
There can be only one winner, though. Drum roll please.........The winner of the "Most Awesome Parent" award goes to...................................................................................................................................
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow! Congratulations to me!!!! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the judge and to ask her what it was about me and my parenting that she felt tipped the scale in my favor.
Well, Amanda, the answer can be summed up with one picture:
Despite Brian's hip sunglasses, the judge felt like you were the most deserving of the award because you allowed this to happen to your body for the sake of your child.
When reached for comment about the outcome of the judging, Jacob's response was pure glee.
He wants me to tell you, though, that he maintains that both parents are superb! Especially when they're both wearing hip sunglasses!
1 comment:
Despite the fact that the clear impartiality of the judging comes shining through, be alerted to the runner-up (who we'll call #1a) resorting to cheap lawyer tricks to have the decision reversed. I was especially impressed with all the self-deprecation of nominee #1. But in the words of Al Hirt, or Herb Alpert, or (dare I say) Kenny G: "if your own horn sounds good, you might as well blow it!"
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